Aya frowned back at Ryo, but said nothing. Truth was, he wasn’t sure how to reply. He hadn’t realized, until this moment, how much he’d been dreading this conversation.

“Nothing to say?” Ryo asked, breaking the silence as he pulled away from Aya. “Fine. Let me tell you how I know there was more to the whole flower shop thing – scars.“ He pulled off this pajama top and tossed it aside, gesturing to his bare chest. “I know some of these scars are from bullet wounds. Between Asuka and the doctors, I have a pretty good idea how old a lot of them are. Obviously I’ve been shot more than once. Yet, here I am. Alive and mostly well. I’m not naïve enough to think I didn’t protect myself, and that means that I’ve more than likely killed people.” Ryo paused, rubbing at his temple.

“Ryo, perhaps you shouldn’t push yourself,” Aya said, his frown softening into an expression of concern. “Should I get your medicine?”

Ryo shook his head. “No, it’s not too bad yet. Look Aya, we talked about this before. What vague images and dreams I’ve had made me rule out the police force and the military. What does that leave? Yakuza, but no doubt someone would have come after me before now, and I don’t get the sense I was a criminal like that. Doesn’t feel right, you know? So now I’m stuck with some wild ideas suited more to a novel than to real life. Only, the more I consider those ideas, the more I start to think I might be right. Tell me one thing now, Aya, because I know you won’t say anything else until you talk to Ken and Mamoru. Were we the good guys or the bad?”

“Good guys,” Aya answered without hesitation. “At least, we always strove to be.”

Ryo looked relieved. “Answer me this question then. Did you leave me in that hospital because you wanted to or because you were forced to?”

“I told you before that I wanted you to be happy. No one forced me to leave and I didn’t want to, but at the time I thought it was the best thing for you,” Aya answered.

“Yeah, you did say that before and maybe some part of Kudoh Yohji wanted to start his life over, but I know he loved you because I love you. I lost my memory, but I never stopped loving you, Aya. Did you stop loving Yohji?” Ryo asked.

“No!” Aya exclaimed. “I’ve already told you, Ryo. Why are you asking me this?”

“Because I’m trying to understand how you could walk away from the man you loved and who loved you. How could you possibly think he wanted to forget you? I don’t understand, Aya.” Ryo watched him intently, impatient for an answer.

“I wanted to protect you, and in order to do that it meant staying out of your life,” Aya quietly replied. There was nothing but truth in his words, but he knew as soon as he’d spoken, that Ryo wouldn’t understand. Few people did.

Ryo words held barely suppressed anger. “You left me behind in the hospital with nothing, not even a name. Seems to me that maybe you were the one that wanted to start a new life.”

Aya flinched, unable to hide the hurt Ryo’s accusation caused. “You’re mistaken.”

But Ryo wasn’t listening. “That's what you did with your sister, didn't you? You left her behind like you left me, so you could run off to England without the excess baggage.”

“No, that's not it at all,” Aya stated, his own anger finally apparent. “I wanted to protect her like I wanted to protect you. Leaving both of you back in Tokyo was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my entire life.”

Ryo snorted and Aya’s frown deepened. “Do you even talk to her? Does she know you're still alive?”

“We send each other letters. I call her sometimes,” he answered.

“Does she know where you are?”

“No, but she gives them to someone who does. She understands the situation, Ryo.”

“That doesn't mean she likes it. I know I don't. Not her situation or mine. Of course, no one gave either of us much of a choice, did they?”

“Do you want me to say I'm sorry? Do you want me to say I'm wrong?” Aya’s hands balled into fists as he fought to keep his temper under control. “I won't. I did what I thought was the best for everyone involved at the time. It wasn't easy for me either.”

“Was it the best for you, too, Aya?” Ryo’s voice was quiet as he asked the question, the anger in his earlier words softening to concern. He sighed and reached out to lay a hand over one of Aya’s.

Aya stared at the hand covering his, concentrating on the warmth of Ryo’s skin against his, letting his anger fade away. “What I wanted didn't matter at the time. Only keeping you and Aya-chan safe,” he said.

Ryo gave a short bark of laughter before he spoke, “More of that self-sacrificing bullshit, right Aya? It's time you stop thinking of others before yourself. What do you want?”

Aya lifted his gaze to Ryo’s face. “You. I never stopped wanting you, Ryo. I just wouldn't let myself think about it too much. I couldn't and stay sane.”

“What about your sister?” Ryo asked, giving Aya’s hand a quick squeeze.

“I think about her everyday. I thought about you everyday, too. But I can't be a part of her life, Ryo. You don't fully understand the whole situation,” Aya replied.

“No, I guess I don't, but that's going to change soon, isn't it?”

Aya nodded. “I'll speak to Ken in the morning and I'll call Mamoru to find out when he intends to arrive.”

Ryo smiled. “Good. We'll work through all of this, Aya, but you have to trust me and you have to let me make decisions for myself. Understand?”

“Yes, Ryo, I do understand and I do trust you.” Aya cupped Ryo’s face with his hand. “You have to trust me, too.”

Ryo nuzzled his cheek against Aya’s palm. “I do, Aya. I may not agree with your methods, but I do trust you.”

Aya’s mouth curved into a small smile as he drew his hand away. He glanced briefly at the clock, noting the time. “It's late. We should try to get some sleep. I have to open the shop tomorrow and you said you had an early meeting with your clients.”

Ryo nodded. “Yeah, I do. The installation of the new security system starts tomorrow.” Keeping a hold of Aya’s hand, he slid further under the blankets.

Aya did the same, watching Ryo as he lay beside him.

Ryo leaned forward and kissed Aya tenderly on the mouth. “No matter what, I love you. That's not going to change. You don't have to worry about losing me again.”

Aya returned the kiss with one of his own before he curled up against Ryo. “I love you, too.”

Ryo let go of Aya’s hand and wrapped his arm around him instead, holding Aya close. Aya listened as Ryo’s breathing quickly evened out and he fell asleep. Forcing thoughts of their recent conversation from his mind, Aya concentrated on relaxing and soon enough, he too was fast asleep.

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