“This stays between us,” Sanzo reminded, as he always did.
“Of course, Sanzo. This is between you and I, and no one else,” Hakkai automatically and sincerely assured him.
“But Gojyo…”
“May be my lover, but we have an understanding. I don’t question him about where he’s been or who he’s been with on those nights when he wanders. In turn, he doesn’t question me about what I do on those same nights, regardless of what he might suspect,” Hakkai stated as he sat up in bed, the sheet pooled in his lap.
“You think the kappa knows? You think he’s smart enough to figure it out?” Sanzo pulled a cigarette from his pack and lit it before finally turning around to look at Hakkai.
Hakkai sighed heavily, wanting more than anything to avoid another night of listening to Sanzo’s tirade on Gojyo’s many faults. He’d told the monk previously that he didn’t care to listen to such rants. Sanzo knew that Hakkai loved Gojyo, though neither of the men actually used that word. Then again, neither did Hakkai and Gojyo. It was simply something that was understood between them. Just as it was understood that Gojyo still needed to drink liquor and fuck women.
And now Hakkai knew that Gojyo understood there was more between Sanzo and himself than mere friendship. He could see it in Gojyo’s eyes. He could also see the acceptance. They didn’t talk about it; Hakkai was certain they never would.
“Hakkai, are you listening to me? I asked if you thought Gojyo knew about… this.”
“Yes, Sanzo, I believe Gojyo knows. He would, however, never say anything to me about it, nor would he say anything to you. Sanzo, if you are displeased with the arrangement, then we can always…”
“No. No, I’m not ‘displeased’ as you said. It’s just that…” Sanzo paused to take a deep drag on his cigarette. “You know I don’t want…”
“You don’t want Gojyo to be able to hold anything over you. And certainly not this,” Hakkai finished for Sanzo.
“Stop doing that, Hakkai, it’s irritating. I’m perfectly capable of talking for myself,” Sanzo snapped.
Hakkai inclined his head politely, chastised. “Of course you are, Sanzo. I meant no disrespect. But you know, Sanzo, if you no longer wish to… turn to me, there is another who I believe would want to be there for you.”
“Not Goku. I don’t want him to know that I… need this.” Hakkai kept his surprise at Sanzo’s admission of need to himself. His face betrayed nothing as he gazed up at the monk.
“Goku loves you, Sanzo. Perhaps he is not yet of the proper mind frame to accept or understand this sort of situation, but I am in no doubt that he’d wish to offer you what comfort he could. He’s not a child, despite his behavior at times. You two have known each of for a long, long time.”
“And Goku sees me as something I’m not. He has this idea of what I represent. If he ever found out…” Sanzo sat down on the edge of the bed, head hanging down.
“Goku sees you for who you are, Sanzo. No more, no less. But, it’s not my place to convince you. I’m content to let things continue as they are, as you well know,” Hakkai replied, his voice soft and soothing.
Sanzo said nothing as he continued to smoke his cigarette. When there was nothing left but the filter, he stood up and moved to the room’s small table, using the ashtray sitting on its surface.
“Let’s keep things the way they are, Hakkai,” Sanzo said at last.
“As you wish, Sanzo,” Hakkai agreed, because what he and Sanzo had was much easier than dealing with the complications of change.